He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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