best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize