i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize