That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
