I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it because I queefed?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
