You work out of a Hotel?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
