This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize