i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
