Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
