oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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