I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
