your parents love me but you hate me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
