I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I looked at my own cervix.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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