I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
