I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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