don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
