I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Drunk is not a location!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
