he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
