8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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