I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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