I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
