Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
