I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love having hate sex.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
