Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
