I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
