your room smells of hookers.
And success
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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