nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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