I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
