sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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