Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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