dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im six kinds of drunk right now
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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