I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
