I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
