Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
