in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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