is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
