I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
