i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
