i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So vagazzling was a success
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
