Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
