In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
