He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
