things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
