He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
