It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
