Sponge bath it is.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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