Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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