why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Someone shattered a urinal.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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