rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
