If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
