porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
