I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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