I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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