I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
