did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
