the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Farmville is her only friend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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