he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
