its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
