I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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