You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
