she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
