I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
