I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
