i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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